How I Used To Write Random Stuff

Photo by STIL on Unsplash

This is my first post after a very long hiatus from blogging. Kids are hard work and they just won't let you go to have your own quiet time. Well, I've only got one kid now but, believe me, he sticks like a stamp on an envelope. The (not-so) good news is that I've been told by fellow mummy friends that this is going to continue at least until he's 5. Yes, 5 years old. That means I still have another 4 years and 8 months to cope to this madness. And by that time, we're expecting another little brat angel will come inshaa Allah.

I have not achieved much this year other than moving laterally in my company and trying to settle down into a role with a completely new job descriptions. So, I decided that I would spend some of my quiet time while these eyes are still capable to open wide and baby is fast asleep to develop my personal site. I know I have an always-updated Linkedin profile. But I thought I'll make something with my added personal touch. After all, I'm a person who loves creativity.

I was just about to register a new blog just with my full name. Keeping it simple because, duh, it's a personal site with my not-so-short resume all over it. To my surprise, Blogger said that the blog name had been taken. By who!? I'm the only person in this world with THAT name! Anyway, I went scouring through the list of blogs I had in the past. Still couldn't find the one with my full name, but I managed to find an old blog of mine with just a lot of random posts. From songs that I was listening to, to just some random stories or rants. It's called blog 365. 

Reading it again felt really good. I mean, I can't remember the last time I wrote stuff like a teenage girl writing in her diary. Those posts sounds so naive, honest, genuine. I like reading (and writing) posts that have personal touches to it, anything like rants, confessions, genuine convos are definitely my 'thing'. It's therapeutic. Haha, I guess I'm just nosy. But, yeah, I think I should continue write like a teenage girl - sometimes, not always though.

Disconnecting

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

There was a time where I had several social media accounts and I was overwhelmed by them. Which account should I update?! Because ideally I'd want to update everything at once. And that's also around the time when all of the social media platform finally introduced 'linked accounts' and there were also third party apps that will help you update your social media accounts all at once although you update from only one of them. Eventually, one by one my account had less and less activities either from me or my connections so I started to let them go. I'm just going to quickly share the reasons why I'm disconnecting and why you should consider (or do it) too.

HOW OTHERS WOULD FEEL ABOUT MY POSTS

One of the main reason why I started to disconnect because, other than stalking other people's activity, is that I'm not active much. Why? Because I think too much before posting. Why? Because I don't want to be seen as bragging and showing off. So, I always think of these before posting: Does my post will cause envy or jealousy? Is my post benefitting anybody?. If it can potentially cause envy or jealousy and it doesn't benefit other people's lives then I would pass (most of the time). I know I've been guilty of posting Omar's photos where he eats without fussing though (which I know can make other mothers so jealous😫). 

I BECOME LESS DEPRESSED

Haha. This is probably one of the biggest reason why people quits social media. Let's face it, it's very rare that people go on social media without comparing their lives with others and starting to get jealous, envious of other people's lives. I've lost count at how many times I've become so depressed and envious of other people just by scrolling through Instagram. It literally gave me headaches so the extent that I had to uninstall it to keep myself sane.

(I need to) Remember that most of the time, what you see on social media is only the good side of people's lives. That may not be even the 90% of them. And people rarely expose their flaws. Some people like Kara is an exception. She actually shows the hardships and normality of being a mom of three in Melbourne. But I wouldn't be able to be like her though as I'm just not

comfortable at 'vlogging', talking to a camera, it's just too much hassle for me, and it's just such a time waster for me.

MAKING TIME FOR OTHER THINGS THAT REALLY MATTERS

For me, this is my main deal breaker for staying active on my social media accounts. When I complained that I don't have enough time to do the things that actually matters to me, it really boils down to the time I spent in the social media world. I was constantly checking my phone. I think I would be spending 3-4 hours in a day on my social media accounts. Most of the time it's just me checking what other people are up to. I wasn't even uploading photos on Instagram nor posting statuses in Facebook. Anyway, that 3-4 hours doesn't actually have any effect on my life. So it's just time wasting away.

***

I'm not totally against social media as they are still one of the best platforms for me to engage with  my family and friends. But for my current needs and priorities, I do have to really disconnect rather than just limiting my self to only an hour a day.

I only have two social media accounts that are still active: Instagram and Facebook. Meaning, I still open them and post stuff once in a while. And in the case of Facebook, it means that I still scroll through the timeline and comment and likes my friend's posts once in a while but not posting myself because people that are on Facebook are so judgmental!

I'm currently logging off from my Instagram because I was just constantly on it, unlike Facebook which I have started to grow very weary of. Anyway, the result of me disconnecting is that I finally have time to write in my blog which I think it's more meaningful for me since I can write super long posts without having to stress about the screen size and being pity to my thumbs for doing such hard work for me to type stuff.

Desperate Writer

Photo by Corinne Kutz on Unsplash

Kadang saya kepikiran, "kamu nulis blog buat apa sih Dit?". Selama lebih dari seminggu lalu saya berusaha keras untuk menyelesaikan tiga tulisan yang tidak kunjung selesai. Entah karena saya merasa alurnya berantakan atau isinya kurang bermanfaat dan cenderung ke arah riya'. Apalagi setelah blog-walking ke blog orang lain yang banyak di-share di Facebook, ah... semakin terlihat bahwa tulisanku dan tulisan mereka bagai langit dan bumi. Oh, dan satu lagi yang saya sadari, kemampuan bahasa Indonesia saya semakin jelek. Semakin sulit untuk menemukan padanan kata yang pas. Intinya, English has taken over my brain.

Mungkin saya kurang membaca. True that. Membaca memang bukan sesuatu yang saya nikmati sepenuhnya di waktu luang saya, mungkin karena agak sulit untuk saya mempertahankan fokus ketika membaca, biasanya hanya bertahan 30 menit :D. Tapi tidak berarti saya tidak suka membaca sama sekali. Dan buku-buku yang saya baca kebanyakan memang bahasa Inggris karena saya merasa kosa kata bahasa Inggris saya terbatas dan kemampuan saya untuk membetuk kalimat dalam bahasa Inggris juga kurang baik. Ternyata, hal itu bisa juga berbalik kepada saya, sekarang saya kesulitan menulis dengan baik dan benar dalam bahasa Indonesia.

Otak saya tidak sistematis. Hahaha - true that, again. Saya sepertinya memang punya masalah untuk berpikir secara terstruktur yang berimbas ke kemampuan menulis saya karena isi otak saya sangat 'berantakan' walaupun saya cenderung otak kiri. Entah, mungkinkah karena saya punya ADHD? Sebetulnya nggak pernah terdeteksi atau apapun, tapi ketika saya mencoba tes online atau membaca ciri-ciri orang yang mengidap ADHD, kok saya banget ya!? Saya memang punya masalah untuk bisa fokus pada satu hal. Inget banget waktu dulu di-ospek saat SMA, ada kakak kelas yang marah-marahin saya karena ketika dimarahin mata saya malah lirik-lirik kemana-mana (andai saya inget kakak yang mana, pingin saya bilang "hey, kamu marah-marah seenak jidat!"). Kalau pikiran saya terlalu kalut karena banyak hal yang menggantung di pikiran saya, maka saya wajib-kudu-mesti menuliskan apa yang ada dipikiran saya baru kemudian saya bisa sortir. Walaupun saya cenderung otak kiri, saya termasuk orang yang visual dan lebih suka melakukan hal-hal yang mengasah kreativitas. Saya bisa duduk di depan layar komputer berjam-jam berkutat dengan desain dan saya lebih menikmati menonton film ketimbang membaca buku.

Takut riya'. Sepertinya inilah deal breaker saya yang sebenarnya. Saya nggak suka pamer tapi kok setiap kali membaca posting saya sebelum akan saya publish, terdengar seperti saya sedang bragging karena hal-hal yang saya sharing bukan sekedar cerita hikmah-inspirasi tapi juga review produk-produk yang saya sukai. This is the tricky part. Sebetulnya niatan saya baik, hanya ingin berbagi, tapi bagaimana ya caranya supaya tidak terdengar seperti bragging? Mungkin saya harus hilangkan pikiran-pikiran seperti itu kali ya dan biarkan pembaca yang menilai. Kalau bermanfaat ya syukur, kalau dapat kritik ya coba diperbaiki lagi. Lagipula, pede banget sih kamu Dit, yang baca blog kamu juga nggak banyak kali!? :D hahahaha.

Who cares kali ya? Pada akhirnya, yah, apalah kata orang toh blog ini juga blog ku, ruang tulisku, ruang curhatku, ruangku berbagi bermacam hal sama orang lain yang memang tertarik :). Nggak semua orang bakal suka, tapi nggak semua orang juga bakal benci. Ya seperti orang-orang di Youtube saja - banyak yang sinis dan banyak pula yang suportif. Dan mungkin yang paling penting adalah selalu berusaha menghasilkan tulisan yang kira-kira bermanfaat dan akan dinikmati oleh orang lain (dan jauh dari kesan riya', walaupun hal itu memang sangan subjektif). Yuk Dit mulai nulis lagi!

Bread and Butter

Prologue: This post has been sitting in my draft folder for months. I wasn't really sure whether to expose the hardship that I've gone through. But no one's life is perfect, and I think we shouldn't pretend to fake it that everything in our lives is so perfect in social media. So, I thought to myself, "why not just share?"

***

Four years ago when my husband and I started out as a married couple, my husband wasn't even making the average income. And he is not the greatest at managing money either. I still remember how I face-palmed trying hard to understand the justification of his purchase (when he was still single) when I found out that his Macbook Pro worth more than $3000. I thought to myself, "Oh God, how can he be so reckless with his money!?" I didn't have lot of savings as well at that time because when you convert my savings into Australian dollar, it's basically nothing. The money we collected from our wedding, we spend almost all of it for my return flights and my visa application. So, I went from comfortable living in my parents home, to struggling to make ends meet.

I have been having toast and butter almost everyday for the past few weeks. Just felt like having them although bread and butter are not a staple breakfast in our home. Every time I slather the butter onto the warm toast, it brings back memories of how I used to have my bread and butter when we just started out on our own. I consider it as a good reminder of how my life has evolved in the past 4 years, reminder for me to look back to my past and keep myself grounded.

The bread and butter that we used to be able to afford were the Aldi or Coles homebrands. The bread that we normally purchase wasn't fresh from the onsite bakery. And the butter was also cheap - the private label ones. I'm big believer that if you want to have a taste of the best, then you must be ready to pay the price - which translates to usually good stuff are expensive. Since I only buy the cheap ones, I never knew what good bread and butter tasted like. I remember buying the 80 cents bread for my in-laws while they were staying for 3 months because they usually have bread for breakfast. They would say the bread was hard and they would like the Tip Top one (which cost three times the private label).

Fast forward to four years later, we now eat a different bread and butter. My bread is the freshly baked ones from the bakery. I don't go to the bakery aisle anymore where they display breads from bakery companies. And the butter that I eat now is one of the pricier butter you will find in the chiller (but I always get them when they're on sale every 4 weeks or so tho). Every time I see my now-butter and bread, it reminded me how I used to not be able to afford them because I needed to save money and should make do with whatever we can afford. Now I'm quite proud that I can afford good bread for when my in-laws are staying over without needing to feel guilty. It's a beautiful reminder for us as well how a lot has changed for us.

Thank you, God, for the immense blessings that you have showered us with. We are truly grateful for everything you have given us.

Islammu Nggak Ada Artinya Apabila Durhaka Kepada Ibu

Baru-baru ini saya sangat kesal sekali dan harus menasihati seseorang karena menurutku ia sudah sangat keterlaluan kepada ibunya sendiri. Dengan arogannya dia tidak mau meminta maaf kepada ibunya ketika Idul Fitri lalu dan pernah pula dia nyatakan bahwa dia tidak mau mengurus ibunya nanti ketika beliau sudah tua. Orang tersebut berjilbab dan mengerti agama. Tapi menurutku Islamnya tidak ada artinya apabila ia durhaka kepada ibunya. 

Seperti di blog post yang pernah aku tulis sebelumnya, aku baru merasakan betapa besarnya pengorbanan seorang ibu ketika aku mulai merasakan hamil si kecil. Mungkin orang ini tidak akan pernah mengerti sampai ia sendiri mengalaminya bahwa hal-hal yang dilakukan ibunya semata-mata karena si ibu sayang kepada anaknya, tidak mau melihat anaknya hidup susah. 

Aku ingat ketika aku masih mencari kerja dan gaji suamiku pun pas-pasan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan hidup kita, ibuku menawarkan membiayaiku untuk sekolah lagi. Tawarannya pun kutolak. Aku nggak punya hati untuk merepotkan dia lagi. Sudah cukuplah tanggung jawabnya kepadaku. Aku hanya minta ibu untuk mendoakanku. Ketika ia berkunjung kesini (waktu itu kondisiku sudah jauh lebih baik) dan aku biayai seluruh pengeluarannya selama disini pun ibu masih berkata, "pasti kamu keluar uang banyak ya untuk bayarin mama selama disini. Mama kasian, uangnya kan bisa kamu pakai untuk yang lain. Nanti mama ganti ya." Dan aku bilang, "gak perlu Ma, aku cukup minta didoakan supaya dimudahkan rejekinya. Biar Allah nanti yang ganti." Karena aku tahu ridho dan doa ibu itu luar biasa.

Kalau orang ini sampai sesumbar bilang bahwa dia nggak butuh ibunya, dia salah besar. Karena sepanjang hidupnya dari dia masih di kandungan sampai sekarang dia selalu bergantung kepada ibunya (walaupun mungkin sekarang sudah tidak setergantungan seperti dulu). Mungkin dia sengaja lupa bahwa ketika dia kecil, justru dia yang tidak berdaya, tidak mungkin survive tanpa ibunya. Dan ibunya pun tidak pernah meminta sepeser pun darinya untuk apa yang telah ibunya lakukan untuknya. 

Aku ingatkan kepadanya bahwa doa ibu dan doa orang yang teraniaya itu pasti diijabah oleh Allah, oleh karena itu berhati-hatilah, jangan sampai kamu menyakiti hati ibumu sampai dia mendoakanmu yang tidak baik. Dan juga, selagi masih ada waktu, sebaiknya dia meminta maaf karena umur seseorang tidak ada yang tahu.

Bahaya-bahaya durhaka, azab dan dosa durhaka terhadap orang tua:

1. Haram masuk surga

“Ada tiga jenis orang yang diharamkan Allah masuk surga, yaitu pemabuk berat, pendurhaka terhadap kedua orang tua, dan seorang dayyuts (merelakan kejahatan berlaku dalam keluargannya, merelakan istri dan anak perempuan selingkuh).” (H.R. Nasa’i dan Ahmad).

2. Dimurkai Allah SWT

“keridhaan Allah tergantung keridhaan orang tua, dan murka Allah pun tergantung pada murka kedua orang tua.” (H.R. al-Hakim).

3. Allah tidak menerima shalatnya

“Allah tidak akan menerima shalat orang dibenci kedua orang tuannya yang tidak menganiaya kepadannya.” (H.R.  Abu al-Hasan bin Makruf).

"Ada tiga golongan yang Allah tidak menerima (amal kebajikannya) dari yang sunnah maupun yang fardhu, yaitu durhaka kepada orang tua, orang yang suka mengungkit-ungkit kebaikannya, dan orang yang mendustakan takdir.” (H.R. Thabrani).

4. Dipecat sebagai pengikut nabi SAW

“Bukan termasuk dari golongan kami orang yang diperluas rezekinnya oleh Allah lalu ia kikir dalam menafkahi keluargannya.” (H.R. ad-Dailamy).

5. Mendapat “gelar” kafir 

“Jangan membenci kedua orang tuamu. Barang siapa mengabaikan kedua orang tua, maka dia kafir”. (H.R. Muslim).

6. Balasan azab dengan segera di dunia

Al-Hakim dan Al-Ashbahani, dari Abu Bakar r.a. dari Nabi Saw, beliau bersabda, “Setiap dosa akan diakhirkan oleh Allah sekehendak-Nya sampai hari kiamat, kecuali dosa mendurhakai kedua orang tua. sesungguhnya Allah akan menyegerakan (balasan) kepada pelakunnya didalam hidupnya sebelum mati.”

7. Tidak diampuni dosannya

Dari Aisyah r.a. ia berkata, Rasulullah Saw. Bersabda, “dikatakan kepada orang yang durhaka kepada kedua orang tua, “berbuatlah sekehendakmu, sesungguhnya Aku tidak akan mengampuni. “Dan dikatakan kepada orang yang berbakti kepada orang tua, perbuatlah sekehendakmu, sesungguhnya Aku mengampunimu.” (H.R. Abu Nu’aim).

8. Membatalkan seluruh amal

“ada tiga hal yang menyebabkan terhapusnya seluruh amal, yaitu (a) syirik kepada Allah, (b) durhaka kepada orang tua, (c) seorang alim yang dipermainkan oleh orang dungu dan jahil.” (H.R. Thabrani).

9. Haram mencium aroma surga

Bau surga yang radiusnya sejauh 1000 tahun perjalanan itu tak bisa dirasakan oleh orang durhaka. Benar2 dahsyat. “sesunguhnya aroma surga itu tercium dari jarak perjalanan seribu tahun, dan demi Allah tidak akan mendapatinnya barang siapa yang durhaka dan memutuskan silaturahim.” (H.R.Thabrani).

10. Terputus rezekinnya

“Apabila seseorang tidak meninggalkan doa bagi kedua orang tuannya, maka akan terputus rezekinya” (H.R. Ad-Dailamy). Seseorang yang Tidak mendoakan kedua orang tuanya termasuk kategori orang yang durhaka terhadap orang tuannya. Oleh karena itu, orang tua wajib mendapatkan doa dari anaknya.

11. Orang yg mendapat kerugian besar

“Sungguh kecewa dan hina, sungguh kecewa dan hina, sungguh kecewa dan hina orang yang mendapati atau salah satunnya sampai tua, lantas ia tidak dapat masuk surga.” (H.R. Muslim)

12. Dibenci Allah

“Barang siapa ridha kepada kedua orang tuannya, berarti ia ridha kepada Allah. Dan barang siapa membenci kedua orang tua, sungguh dia membenci Allah.” (H.R. Ibnu An-Najjar).

Source: https://sapta06.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/249/

Ramadan Day 7: Giving of Alms

Based on the article published in Huff Post in 2013 (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/07/21/muslims-give-most_n_3630830.html), Muslims are the most generous, ahead of Christians and Jews. Why? The answer is simple... because giving charity is prescribed in our religion and also in our religion there is an "obligatory" alms called zakat. Please note that it is OBLIGATORY :).

THE POOR OWNS SOME OF OUR WEALTH

In Islam, we are taught that within the wealth that we own, the poor owns some part of it. The poor have rights over some part of our wealth. If we don't pay our share of alms, how else can the poor access their rights if we don't open the way? Think of it this way, not everyone is born privileged. When we were born, we can't choose our family, our parents, the environment, etc. Some people will be born into low socio-economic family, while some others are luckier to be born into wealthy families. Don't say that poor people need to work their a** off to be rich. Some people may achieve success through a combination of hard work, perseverance, and miracle; but some people just can't no matter how hard they try. So, try to put yourself in other people's shoes. Giving alms will not make you poor. In fact, it will make you richer - mentally and financially.

ALMS IS THE BEST INVESTMENT

Allah himself has promised, if someone want to give alms  then surely Allah will replace it with a minimal amount of 10 (ten) times . And that is written in the Qur'an Surah : 6 , Verse : 160 , where Allah promises a return of 10 fold for those who want to do good . Even in the Qur'an Surat: 2 , Verse : 261 , God promised a reply to 700 folds.

Allah's maths is beyond our logic and I think it's the best investment you could ever make. In Allah's maths, if you think 10 - 1 = 9, then you're incorrect. It should be 10 - 1 = 19, the result is based on the statement that Allah with replace with minimal amount of 10 times. If you invest or deposit your money in the bank, bank will only give you return of 10% at most. You can get more returns if you invest your money in foreign exchange or shares, but the risk is also very high. But if you invest in the bank of Allah, you will be guaranteed a minimum ROI of 1000% and with no risk at all. In order to make this work, there is one key thing that you must do: keep your faith in Him. Sometimes you can get the return immediately, sometimes you have to wait. And sometimes you get the return in the form of money or wealth, and some other time you're protected from bad things. Either way, you will definitely still profit. Just remember that He always keeps His promises.

***

So, after reading this, do you still want to pile up your money in the bank? Think again ;)

Wherever She Is, That's Where Home Is

Image: https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/smallglow

*This is going to be a long post, so prepare some drinks and snacks!

Mother's Day is coming up in a few weeks in Australia and I'm already getting email notifications for Mother's Day gift ideas. I saw this beautiful wooden sign saying: "Home is Where Mum Is" on Etsy and I it just prompted me to write this post.

You won't realise the value of something until you lose it. I used to dislike being at home, having to hear my mum yelling at us (me and siblings) almost every other day, or mum telling us to do this and that. I constantly complain about her cooking because she always cooks the same thing over and over again. But now that I live away from her, I miss everything about her. Every time I parted ways from her that's when our relationship actually grew closer than ever. When I just returned from Japan, I was very clingy to my mum. I hardly refuse to drive her anywhere she wants. And now that I rarely visit Indonesia, I miss her food really bad.

Now that I'm going to become a mother myself, I realised how much sacrifice my mum has done for me since I was still in her womb. Carrying a baby is not easy at all. In the first trimester, if you are unlucky, you will feel extreme tiredness because your body is creating a new soul and building a comfy 'home' for it. Then when the tummy gets bigger, it becomes harder for you to walk or even bend yourself. There will be a time when you will have a difficult time putting your socks on.

This is my mum

She is a thrifty person, but she is not stingy when it comes to education. I remember all of those cram schools and English courses that she made us attend. She always accompanied us, waited at the premise until the course/cram school was over, and bought us snacks and dinners afterwards. I do owe her a lot. I guess her thriftiness has helped her kids greatly from getting the best education to giving a head start at buying a house.

She left her job when she was carrying her first born, which was me, at 24 years old, because she couldn't cope with the morning sickness. But although she's not a working mother, she never cease to amaze me. She is a very smart investor and a woman with great taste. With no appropriate finance background or whatsoever, she knows how to invest her wealth in share market. And thank you mum for the art talent that we all (of her three children) picked up along the way.

Mum and I after crying at the airport

I have never ever cried at the airport before. And the only time I let my tears run down my cheek was when mum was about to fly back to Indonesia after a brief visit last year. She was hugging me very tight as if she had just found her lost precious belonging (or, rather, not wanting to lose her precious possession again). And she whispered in my ear, "why do you have to be so far away?" (I think this is partly my fault for not visiting her often, but the ticket are so expensive!). But deep down inside her, she knows that she had to accept wholeheartedly that my (then) future husband will take me away. She tried to cheer herself up, saying, "but anyway, living anywhere is just as good as long as you're with your husband." (I'm like - are you serious... with this kind of husband?? Nah, just kidding :D).

After she left, home is quiet again. No more pillow talk with mum anymore (she slept with me when she was staying over, I had to kick out my husband to the second bedroom). The next day I found her comment of our last photo together at the airport, "sometimes I still feel sad when I remember you." Oh mum, if she knew that I cried for days and days after she returned...

But, hey, everything is cool again now! We've been having lots of chit-chats about bubba. I gave my mum a task to purchase baby clothings and I can't believe her excitement. "Mama sudah belanja untuk calon cucu yaa," she said one day. I told my mum to get it later when I've reached my 7th month of pregnancy. I'm not even in my third trimester yet and she's already purchased (almost) everything! She even purchased stuff I told her not to get! Anyway, I'm happy for her because she's been waiting for this bubba for 4 years (LOL).

If you feel like you haven't been appreciating your mum enough... not loving her enough... surprise her with something that she likes on Mother's Day or arrange a mother-daughter/son lunch or dinner and tell her how much she means to you before married life separates both of you.

From Muzdalifah

I was flipping through the little blue notebook where I stored all of my prayers for hajj. I had written a couple of journal entries to describe my feelings and the situation around me in there. And the following entry was written when I was in Muzdalifah:

3/10/14 Friday

Today was the big day. The day everyone has been waiting for - the day of Arafah. I was already awake from 1.30 am and didn't continue sleeping at all until we reached Arafah. The bus? Don't ask. It came after Subuh. You can feel how frustrated I was lacking of sleep only to find we were able to move to Arafah after Subuh. But I kept my calm. Afterall, hajj is all about practicing your patience.

We arrived at Arafah desert and walked our way to our tent. Our tent was very simple. No air conditioning, no fan, no cushion. Just carpet and the tent. The weather was very hot. I was almost tempted to complain, but I kept my mouth shut. 

I used my time to rest between Dhuha to Dhuhr, saving my energy for wukuf* time. I had completed my Quran recitation (khatam) the day before, so I was actually a bit reluctant to start reading it again. Instead, I made more dzikr to fill in for the waiting/idle time.

When Dhuhr time just rolled in, we prayed Dhuhr and Ashar jama' qashar ta'dim immediately. We then started the long period of time to make du'a, du'a which will be granted by Allah (inshaaAllah). We contemplated on our mistakes and sins in the past, lead by the leader of the hajj group. By the time we finished with the du'a/prayer together, it was already 2pm. Say that again? Yes, it was already 2pm. Given that, I knew we didn't have a lot of remaining time left to make the rest of our du'as. According to the hadith, wukuf is one of the best time to make du'a. There were so many that we wanted to ask for but so little time!

Before we know it, 4pm had passed. After reciting all of the du'as for my family and friends, husband asked me to make du'a together privately. We walked away from our tent and found a quiet spot to continue our du'as.

5pm had passed. We returned to our tent and found everyone standing outside of the tent facing the qiblat making the last du'as before the wukuf time finishes, just when the sun rolled into the night. We made our last du'a while watching the sun set behind the mountain of rocks. Beautiful, maashaaAllah.

***

It turned out the wukuf wasn't as scary as I had imagined. Alhamdulillah Allah always kept my expectation so that every time throughout the hajj journey so that I could restrain myself from making complaints.

Just after Maghrib, we moved towards Muzdalifah, the 'thousand stars hotel' (not three, four, or five - if you get what I mean). There was a sea of people sleeping on the rock hard grounds. Everyone looks the same to me. You can't tell them apart from their worldly status, whether they are a leader from a famous company or a just a poor man. Everyone is the same in their ihram clothing. 

Today was a day that caught me in an awe. It's such a blessing for me to be able to witness all of this while I'm still young. Hopefully it will change me in a positive way when I return home. And I sincerely would like to return here again someday.

We only have 3 days left before this pilgrimage is complete. Honestly I can't wait to be home and appreciate more of what I have. It is true that in hajj we left everything behind - our family, our likes, our favourite food, our comfort zone, and everything else, all for Allah. Lillah ta'ala.

Alhamdulillah me and husband had firmly set our intention at the beginning which had helped us getting through and surviving the hajj process. Sometimes (a lot of times) I thought to myself, "Dita, what have you put yourself into!?" (of my very strong intention and will of going for hajj). I didn't expect it would be this exhausting. It's like PPAM all over again, for 30 days in fact. But you know what, if it's for Allah and you believe in Allah, rest assure that everything will turn out just fine.

Saturday, 4/10/2016 1am

Muzdalifah

*Reference on Wukuf:
Wukuf is the main activity in hajj. If a pilgrim missed the wukuf, then his/her hajj will not be considered legitimate. Wukuf time is considered as one of the best time to make du'a as reported in the hadith by Amr ibn Shu’aib: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The best supplication is that which is made on the day of Arafat."

Struggling with Multilingualism

Photo source: http://ux.prattsils.org/2015/10/language-learning-in-a-mobile-world/

Sometimes it does frustrate me that I can't get my points straight using effective sentences when speaking because English is my second language. Out of the 28 years of my life, I've only been effectively using English daily for 5 years. I don't go to fancy private school or university program which offers courses to be taught in English. My head has been programmed to think in my native language, then translate them to English. And even from one sentence in my native language, I can come up with several ways to put it out. And I guess what's worse is that I have the tendency to correct my grammar in the middle of my speech, haha. Some people, they could just go on and on talking without realising the numerous mistake in their speech, but if I my picks up a mistake I tried to correct it straight away.

Although I'm frustrated with my English skills, I am proud to be multilingual. The coolest thing about it is that you can talk in another language and other people around you will not understand. So, for example, when I'm at the office calling my husband, I wouldn't use English because then the people sitting next to me would know what I'm saying (especially if I say sweet and embarrassing words :P). I can read Arabic - although not necessarily understand the meaning but a few - and I understand spoken (harsh) Javanese (the language of my ancestors, learned this by listening to a lot of my grandmother's stories and conversations between mum and dad). My husband - on the contrary, he's also Javanese, but he couldn't understand a thing because he was brought up in Jakarta and his dad doesn't speak Javanese at home.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

I guess, with language, the best way to learn it is to practise it everyday. In the last three years I've been in Australia, I can safely say I'm much better at speaking English. Especially since I started working because I was then forced to use English everyday for at least 8 hours. I did have issues in my first interviews, as I had just been out of the "stay at home wife" world, I hardly talk to other people, and we didn't have TV. Even if I had communication with others, it would be in Bahasa.

Whilst when I was in Japan for one year, I still relied heavily on English because most people around me were able to speak English and Indonesian (if you can't guess, I only socialised with international students, my bad!). I didn't have to use a lot of Japanese unless I was going to eat out or grocery shop; although almost all of my lab members, every time I speak in Japanese they would respond in Japanese (do they think I speak their language perfectly fine?) and I would be looking back at them in confusion. At the end of the program, I was able to understand Japanese bit by bit, but now I have completely forgotten everything, which is really sad.

OUR BRAIN IS AMAZING

As a multilingual person, I think our brain is really cool. I mean think about it, God has given us brain that can process one language and translate it to another at a very high speed! I wish I had the drive to learn a new language. I've been meaning to further my Japanese language skills since years ago, but never really had the chance (or willingness?) to continue. When I have kids, I will definitely encourage and facilitate them to master at least two languages - English and Bahasa. I don't want their grandparents to miss out on communicating properly with their grandkids. Besides, we're still Indonesians after all. And I will also tell them how cool it is to be able to speak more than one languge ;).

If you still have the age and the brain, I think you should definitely give it a go at learning a language! Then if time and finance allows, visit that country and actually apply what you have learned :). I just wish Doraemon's translation jelly was real...

Can Women Really Have it all?

Every International Women's Day reminds me of this question. And on every International Women's Day, I will spend the day Googling can women have it all. For someone who runs their own business, they have the luxury of flexible working hours, but not necessarily those who works in the corporate world. I have always been trying to find an answer to this question and I think I have made peace with it. I have found an answer that satisfy my logic - yes (women can have it all), but not at the same time.

I was brought up to become competitive. I am ambitious and I know I do want to achieve a lot of things. I can't imagine myself staying at home, taking care of house chores, kids and husband. I wanted more than that. Furthermore, my parents, especially my mum, supported my aspirations. She has always said, "You are a a person with a bright mind. You worked your way to good schools. You deserve more than just becoming a stay-at-home-wife/mother. And if something undesired happen to your husband, at least you have a job to support you." To be honest, I have never thought about her last sentence, but it made sense.

I had initially planned to have my first born when I was 26 and have my third (and last) when I'm 30. I planned my pregnancies likewise because, according to studies, women start to lose fertility when they're 30 and the quality of the eggs also declined. But because I was so focused on catching up with my peers (I'm 2 years behind my peers in terms of work experience), I delayed the plan. I thought, "Many women nowadays have their first when they are 30. I'll just delay having my first again until I reach 30 years old and by then I will (probably) have caught up with the rest of my peers." But now I thought about my husband being almost in his mid 30s, I can't really delay anymore. I don't want my husband to be too old when the kids are in college and I don't want to conceive with bad quality eggs - I need to be fair with the kids too by providing them a good start.

Now that I'm going to have a little bubba of my own, that's when reality really hits. That's when the "can women have it all" question became even more relatable for me. I can't and don't want to be selfish anymore. If I want my kids to grow up to be successful, well mannered, and religious, I know I need to put a lot of hard work into it. And maybe invest a lot of time in it as well. But we live in Australia as first generation of immigrants, we have no support system! Childcare is very expensive and our families (who we would trust our kids to the most) is faraway in Indonesia. Although I would love to take one year of maternity leave, I will still not be able to do so because we have other financial commitments to be met. Will I have the energy and work flexibility to do all this? Or do I have to make big sacrifices? Well, I'm still thinking about it. My prioritising skills will be heavily tested once bubba comes to this world and I'm back to work.

I've seen many mothers at my workplace trying to juggle between work and family. From executives to associate directors. And I think they're doing an awesome job. Those in higher ranks do have much more flexibility though e.g. they can work 3 days a week, or they can work from home if they choose to. Sometimes I thought, maybe I should have waited until I work my way up the rank before having my first, but by then I will probably be 30 already - and like I said, I want to be fair to my kids. But a teammate of mine had her first around my age and she was promoted to manager just several months before she went on maternity leave. But I don't think that is going to happen to me because I spilled the beans too quickly.

Sometimes these things just adds to the stress, but I'm trying my best to be positive and am thankful to be a Muslim because I don't need to worry about the kids' rizq, because Allah will guarantee it. If we have good intentions, inshaaAllah, Allah will make it easy. You just need to have faith. It is easy to say but having faith is one of the very foundation of Islam and it is difficult to exercise. I just hope I can become a good mum for my kids and also still be able to achieve my dreams.

Why I Wear Hijab

I often hear people say that muslim women are oppressed because the religion forced them to cover their heads and wear modest clothing. Guess what, no one forced me. It was truly my own choice.

Never liked showing my own skin
Since I was little, I have always been shy to show my own skin. I disliked when my mother changed my clothes in front of other people when I was in early primary, I hated wearing sleeveless tops and short dresses, and there is this one very embarrassing moment for which I got really angry with my mum - sorry, I can't tell the details, it's also wardrobe related malfunction when I was in high school. It looked like my mum would never understand the issues I had about her forcing me to wear these embarrassing pieces of clothing. So, modest clothing was always the way of life for me even before I know the concept of "hijab".

How I ended up wearing the hijab
I was almost an adult after all so I can make decision for myself, as long as it is good and positive. One day, I was reading the Quran and came about with the following verse:

And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. [Surah An Nuur: 31]

After reading that verse, it didn't take long for me to digest it. "Allah Himself prescribed this. So it's compulsory," I thought. Immediately without further questioning, I started to wear headscarf the next day.

Perhaps one important thing to note here that, although I came from a Muslim family, my family was not very religious, so there is no way anyone would forced me to wear it. I never wore hijab until I was in high school. I was the first in the family to wear hijab and even at that time my mother despised me and said, "I'm sure you'll take that off soon." Alhamdulillah it's been 10 years, and I can't imagine myself without it. Now, both my mother and sister wear them too.

Freedom of what to wear
Freedom is a big word nowadays. People advocating "freedom of speech", and other kinds of "freedom", but I think in some cases people has taken the word "freedom" too far by disrespecting other people. Sometimes I thought to myself, "Why does other people have to go through all the trouble telling us (Muslims) of what to wear? I never tell them what they can or can't wear. So why can't they just leave us (Muslims) alone?" I mean, where is "our freedom" if I can't wear what I wanted to wear?

Other people need to understand as well that not all Muslims feel oppressed by their hijab. They made the decision consciously to wear it. It's their choice, they're comfortable in it. If people can talk big about freedom, then why not give us our freedom to choose what we would like to wear, which includes our hijab.

Train of Thoughts: I Found Happiness in Fried Duck

Today is the last day before my office officially closed for the holidays. We were allowed to leave early but unfortunately work was still holding me back. I already have appointment to tutor my girl for her Arabic reading at 3.30pm and it got pushed back to 5pm because I didn't leave office until 4.50pm. Eventually I arrived super late, like at 5.15pm.

Although I was a bit hesitant to come I was telling myself, "I have to do it. I've already promised to come". Then, I didn't realise her mum texted me to say not to push it if I can't make it that day. But I was already at her door, so we proceeded with the tutoring.

No matter how tired I am, I always feel energised every time I teach kids. Currently, I teach a 10 year old to read Arabic once a week in Chatswood. I only get paid for the transport cost (this is what I had asked for, but the mum kindly gave me extras), plus, I always get to take away Indonesian food! The mum is a really good cook. We often have conversation about food and recipes. Every time I come to their place, the mum is always cooking something new. And although she said, "just trying a recipe", the food always comes out really good.

Anyway, today she packed me fried duck with chilli sauce (sambal) - yummy! Me and husband shared the duck together for dinner. I can't tell you how grateful we are for it. Husband has been craving for fried duck for a year and I, tired from all the activities, really enjoyed a good meal to end the day. Afterwards, I thought, "this is my simple happiness for today... trying my best to come and teach Arabic for the sake of Allah and was rewarded by fried duck, alhamdulillah :)"

What If You Only Have 7 Months to Live?

For the last couple of weeks I have heard several people telling me to watch a Youtube video about a brother who was diagnosed with cancer and had only 7 months to live. This brother considered the cancer as a gift from Allah because Allah had given him the chance to change.

For a long time I have wondered why people say we should be thankful for our imaan and why Islam is a 'nikmat'. The answer is because Allah is the owner of all hearts and he may do whatever He wants, including flipping it around 180 degrees. The brother's story also correlates to this. Allah had flipped his life around from being a successful business man with lavish lifestyle to become a humble servant of Allah who dedicates the remaining days of his life doing charity around the world.

What happens to the brother can happen to you, to me, to anyone in this world at any time. None of your worldly possession will follow you to the grave, only your good deeds will. This is a good and constant reminder for me and everyone that everything you have in this world, if you don't use it in the way of Allah, doesn't mean a thing for your hereafter. It will not help you in any way. So, what have you done today to prepare for your journey to meet Allah?

Watch the video here: https://www.facebook.com/LivingMuslim/videos/543875542446950/?pnref=story

My Hajj Miracle Story

I consider myself very lucky because I was able to go for hajj when I was still in my 20's and without my parents financial aid. Me and husband had the opportunity to practice hajj in 2014. In that year, Arafah day fell on a Friday, which is considered the best day of the week.

A lot of people asked me "what miracles did you encounter?" when I had just returned from hajj. I got confused because I don't think there were anything particular things that stood out. But when I went on to tell the story of how I even get to go for hajj in 2014, someone said "that's your miracle".

HANG YOUR DREAMS 5CM IN FRONT OF YOUR FOREHEAD
In the book "5 cm" by Donny Dhirgantoro, there is a quote "hang your dreams 5 cm in front of your forehead , so that you can remember and strive to reach it".

I'm a firm believer that one should always keep a written list of what he/she wants to achieve or have a visual reminder. It may sound silly, but I believe it plays a part in achieving your dream. So, when I was still a student in university, I created a list of things to achieve in life. One of the points in the list says, "go to hajj before 35 yrs old." I was a bit doubtful when I wrote "35 yrs old". But then I thought, "you know what, anything is possible for Allah."

Then, when I first started working in 2011, I setup a picture of Ka'bah as my desktop background. My colleague said, "wah, masang gambar ka'bah di laptop". I said, "Yes :) I'm going to go there someday". The Ka'bah desktop background was my visual reminder. I see it almost everyday. And even when I don't think about it, I believe the universe conspires to help me achieve it.




FROM A 10-YEAR PLAN, TO JUST 1-YEAR

After two years of marriage, our household income is still just enough to get us by and set aside some savings, alhamdulillah. I wasn't working at that time and was constantly in stress because I used to be so active. I was praying night and day, begging to Allah to give me a job. And in the previous Ramadan, we sort of did the unthinkable, we gave all of our savings to charity.

Just one month before I finally got a job, husband and I were having conversation about saving up for Hajj. We made a target of going for hajj in 10 years, calculated the cost and also took into account the inflation, and finally calculated the monthly amount that we needed to save. We then made a commitment to save our money x amount each month for the next 10 years for Hajj.

About three months after we gave up all of our savings, alhamdulillah, finally Allah answered my prayers. I secured a contract position within the company I used to work for in Indonesia. It was only a contract position, but I'm grateful for anything. A contract position will do just fine.

So, I received my contract and began calculating the salary that I will be earning during the contract. Miraculously, the amount is just enough to pay for two person to go for hajj. I didn't know what was going on in my head. I could have thought of buying other things, but I was thinking about going for hajj (?). I was so excited and asked my husband if he would like to go for hajj the next year. Of course, he would say "yes!".

ALLAH DOESN'T CALL ON THE WEALTHY, BUT ENABLES THOSE WHO HAVE THE CALLING

Alhamdulillah we will have sufficient amount of money to go for hajj, but the problem doesn't really stop there. The hajj service that we used is one of the popular one amongst Indonesians, so we had to book it fast. We inquired about the price around October 2013 and we were told that there are only few seats left. So, if we're interested we need to registered ASAP. Usually quotas won't be full until a couple of months before the month of hajj.

We were in panic because we haven't done our homework on comparing the price of different hajj travel services and were also told that we had to pay $2000 for deposit to secure a seat for next year's hajj. We didn't even have that kind of money in our savings. But alhamdulillah, with basmallah (and faith to Allah) we were able to scrape money from other budgets and pay the deposit. A month after that we were trying to get by with little money, but alhamdulillah we were able to manage and it was all well worth it.

IN CONCLUSION
Most people will wait until they achieve everything, especially finance independency before going for hajj. But I'm very grateful for the choice that we made. There are a lot of places in Makkah and Madinah where prayers will no-doubt will be granted (inshaaAllah). And alhamdulillah, since returning from hajj, Allah has made our life much easier. The homework now is to maintain our ibadah to show our gratitude to the Almighty.

A Good 5 Minute

The next morning after I was feeling really hopeless, desperate, you name it; hubby sent this to my Whatsapp:

BACA 5 MENIT SAJA, INSYAALLAH BERMANFAAT  

HUSNUDZON kepada ALLAH 

Nabi NUH belum tahu banjir akan datang ketika ia membuat kapal besar &i ditertawai kaumnya. 

Nabi IBRAHIM belum tahu akan tersedia domba ketika pisau nyaris memenggal buah hatinya. 

Nabi MUSA belum tahu laut akan terbelah saat dia diperintah memukulkan tongkatnya.

Nabi MUHAMMAD SAW pun belum tahu kalau Madinah adalah kota tersebarnya ajaran yang dibawanya saat beliau diperintahkan berhijrah. 

Yang mereka tahu adalah bahwa mereka harus PATUH pada perintah ALLAH dan tanpa berhenti BERHARAP yang terbaik. 

Ternyata dibalik keTIDAKTAHUan kita, ALLAH telah menyiapkan SURPRISE saat kita mematuhi dan menunaikan perintahNYA. 

Seringkali tangan-tangan ALLAH bekerja di detik detik terakhir dalam usaha hambaNya.
So, never give up !! Make better for the best :) 

Kalaupun hasil yang kita usahakan jauh dari harapan, bahkan menyakitkan, jngan kita berkecil hati. Karena sering ALLAH mencintai kita dengan cara-cara yang tidak kita sukai. Tetap HUSNUDZON kepada ALLAH apapun yang terjadi. 

ALLAH berfirman:
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
(QS. Al-Baqarah: 216). 

✔Ingatlah:
Tidak ada yang tidak mungkin bagi ALLAH SWT
Selamat pagi  :)

It totally made me tear.

The Positive Dog

Last Sunday, hubby and I decided to have our own weekends. He went for rally for Syria around Hyde Park and I went to enjoy Hotaru sushi (my fave!). His rally went on for a couple of hours and I only spend 1 hour, at most, at Hotaru. So, while waiting for him to finish, I went to Kinokuniya, just on the upper floor of Hotaru.

Reading is not my thing, but that time I just had to read something to prepare for an interview, heheh. I basically like to read non-fictions or motivating books. So, I went to the motivation shelf and pick up a small book that I guess I can finish by proof reading in a short time. I came across this book titled "The Positive Dog" by Jon Gordon. The book is super good! I almost bought it, but the price stopped me. The book tells a story about two dogs living in animal shelters waiting to be adopted. Through their journey, they share a lot of things about being positive. Being positive makes you stress less, makes you happier, can lengthen your age, makes you healthier, etc. But staying positive is difficult. You have to feed the "positive dog" with various things like smile voluntarily, do the gratitude walk, etc.

This book is really good to keep you positive. It's small and easy to read. This book help me a bit to relieve the pain inside me, so I really recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through a stressful time and anyone who needs some motivation kicks. 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Positive-Dog-Story-Positivity/dp/0470888555